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Broken

13 Aug

Yesterday broke me.  Literally and figuratively.  The last four weeks has brought me more power, more strength, and more energy in my running.  My legs feel strong.  Heck my whole body has felt stronger than it has in a long time.  My workouts may have kicked my butts during, but not once have I felt sore and achy like I pushed *too* hard afterwards.  Which is why I asked Coach Joe to work with me on my pace times.  It’s been a fantastic feeling pushing myself to my limits.  Unfortunately I’m pretty sure I reached my limits.  You know that wonky foot? Yeah, well, I have a sneaking suspicion that I have a stress fracture in it.  I’m not going to see the doctor.  There’s nothing he will tell me that I don’t already know.  The treatment? Rest until I have no pain.

In my world that “R” word is the nastiest of four letter words.  It is infuriating to know that my muscles are ready and willing – hell, my mind is ready and willing, and then my foot decides it’s had enough.

I’m trying to find the silver lining.   And I’ve found one, and I’m hanging onto it like a life raft – it’s early in my training.  I have time to heal and time to still be on track for both my half in October and the full in January.

Were there tears yesterday? Yes.  Did my sweet T sit down and talk with me about it even though I didn’t want to take about my foot? Yes.  He asked me why I wanted to do this whole training thing.  See, he’s been a runner for 12 years.  He is in good shape and can go out and run at any point in time w/no training.  He’s strong mentally.  Me? Well, I’ve learned I thrive on having a training plan to follow.  I love being able to look at the plan and checkmark workouts as being done and knowing that I went out there and gave it my all.  I love pushing myself running – even when I don’t.  I love that’s it’s for me.  I love that for once in my life I want to be better at something.  I’ve always been okay with putting in my time and getting it done.  But in the past year I’ve realized that I want to be my best at something for me. My life revolves around my family and friends.  I’ve a giver, people!  Running is for me.  Yes, there are side benefits like my girls see me running and exercising.  They see me making time for it. This is important for them to be witness as my daughters.

When I have a crappy run, it’s great to hear from my friends that I banked it.  But honestly? I already knew that.  Same goes for the awesome runs.  Running is 100% all me in the mental category.  I can make or break it for myself; usually ending up on the side of making it.

But the “R” word is hard to handle.

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2 Comments

Posted by on August 13, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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2 responses to “Broken

  1. Karena

    August 13, 2010 at 2:40 am

    Ahhh, crap. Sorry to hear you’re broken. I wish you a speedy recovery. Take care of you, and I know you’ll be back on your feet soon.

     
  2. Bari

    August 13, 2010 at 8:06 am

    ((hugs)) I hope you don’t have a fracture! You probably should get it looked at. Maybe it’s just tendonitis. I’m glad you are able to find the silver lining and knowing you, you will be back out there soon, stronger than ever. In the meantime, can you do some crosstraining so you stay conditioned?

     

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